Hey Kids,

     This Kids Chat area offers a place where you can have a voice and where Children can be Heard. I've chosen five areas kids say are important in their lives. Here you can voice your need or concern. You can also share a success story which might be the music to someone's ears helping them make better decisions or just plain survive knowing they're not alone. Click to Email

School Woes

Dear Mother May I,

     My parents are constantly fighting and I can't seem to focus on studying as I am afraid they are headed for a divorce. What can I do? - Caught in the Middle

My dear one,

     Can you go speak to a trusted teacher, guidance counselor or clergy? It seems to me you need an outside adult with whom to confide and get some help. Is it possible for you to talk from the heart privately and separately with mom and dad sharing your dilemma and fears?

     A Good Idea: When children hear parents arguing and fighting without peaceful resolution, they learn these behaviors while fearing the worse-divorce. It's important that adults remember to keep harsh words away from children's ears as it will affect their health, school performance, relationship development, acting out. If you can't resolve your differences, seek family counseling before irreconcilable differences lead to the courtroom.

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Dating

Dear Mother May I,

     I'm 13 and it seems most of my friends are wearing makeup and dating guys. To make it worse, my parents won't let me hang around the mall with my friends without an adult tagging along. I get a lot of teasing from the kids at school including being called a "looser." How can I get my parents to let me be like the rest of the kids? - Plain Jane

My dear one,

     Being thirteen isn't easy! Friends however well intentioned have the propensity to egg others to join their group, to be in the same boat so they won't be alone as company makes acceptability. Peer pressure is hard to say "no" to. Today, kids love to travel about the Mall visiting friends, however, the Mall can be a scary place for young people given the lurking of predators and drug pushers. On the other hand, seems to me even though you may not approve of your parent's rules, your folks must care enough about you to set the family standards high for your protection. Remember you are beginning your teen years trying to break loose from parental control while developing independence which is natural. Take it from me, allow yourself to enjoy your developmental stage while being the young person you are, not the adult you will become later before your time.æ Looking back you may regret growing up way too early!

     A Good Idea: Why not sit down with your family and your closest friends and design a list of activities which your parents approve and you can live with. Instead of walking the Mall, why not visit smaller strip malls with specialty stores. These shopping centers are less likely to be as challenging. How about a Tammy Faye makeover day with your friends and moms using their makeup while strutting your stuff then enjoying pizza party. Does your community have a public skating rink, or other safe place to have fun, develop friendships while enjoying physical activity as adults mingle? Have you looked into joining the church youth group? Service club at school?

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Working

Dear Mother May I,

     I need some help. Recently, I applied for a job which really sounded good, pays well, however, I have a funny feeling about the manager and some of the things required. I keep hearing my mother's voice telling me "when something is not within our beliefs and values, when someone asks you to do something against them, run!" I haven't been able to find a job and this one seems too good to pass up. What shall I do? - Working It Out

My dear one,

     Seems to me your mother's teachings are surfacing. Family values are important. As wise elders say, "When something seems too good to be true, it usually is!" Running sounds sensible in this case and don't stop to look back. Compromising or talking yourself into something which crosses your boundaries fails to be an option and in this case, is it worth the risk of paying the eventual price? You want to hold your head up high when you share with folks your employment. You want to honestly earn your way without regrets. Life, including employment, is meant to be a happy experience.

     A Good Idea: It's important to ask probing questions about business practices and procedures seeing if they agree with your personal mores. An example: if the business calls for you to wear a skimpy bunny outfit and you see it upfront, don't apply for the job if it is against your dress code or moral upbringing. If you are a minor (under age 18) and out of the watchful ear and view of your parent, and the person in charge asks you to do something immoral, illegal, or against your family values, scream "NO!" and quickly leave or politely say, "I need to consult with my advisors - my parents first ...as you quietly walk away. Look around the office, on the walls, on the desk, at the employees, at the patrons. No job or position is worth jeopardizing your stand or that of the teachings of your parents and church. The same applies to dating situations or others asking you to join their drug usage, drinking, partying, drag racing, stealing, smoking, other short term "highs" with long term "lows." And NOTHING is worth compromising your health, your life, or that of future generations. Remember, misery loves company and so do others who really don't want to do things alone. In the end, they leave you standing all alone with the memory, the hurts, addictions, ill-health, emotional and physical scars as they scatter never to resurface unless they need company and your money.

     A Special Note: Always listen to you guts, your, if you will, "God tuition," and your heart. Should even the smallest of thing cause a stir, an uneasy feeling, ask yourself, "How is this activity, person or behavior going to build character to last a lifetime?" Believe me, there are other better opportunities, better jobs, better dates, better mates, better natural life altering activities which enrich the soul and spirit, complimenting you, fulfilling you, adding to your value as a creature on this planet. Just because others "do it" doesn't mean you have to!

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Divorce

Dear Mother May I,

     I hate the holidays because there's always a war between my mom and dad during visitation. It seems each one wants to bat me around making my life miserable. To top it off they just can't seem to decide the holiday schedule so nobody knows when or where dinner will be. Dad says its mom's fault and she says its dad. Sometimes I just want to run away! Help!, - Torn at Christmastime.

My dear one,

     Visitation can be smooth as silk or bumpy as an old dirt road. It all depends upon attitudes and how parents handle the transition. Can you speak up offering a suggestion? Check out some of my ideas and also come up some of your own.

     A Good Idea: Perhaps you could give each parent a time option mutually beneficial to all. Remember to consider travel time and pad for delays. Also, call ahead to let the other parent know how things are progressing and your arrival update. Could you celebrate on separate dates? That way you give each parent the whole day to spend time together with family and friends. This way it doesn't matter what time dinner is scheduled and you don't suffer from a double dose of stuffing!

Dear Mother May I,

     Do I really have to give get a gift for my dad's latest girlfriend? Dad's pressuring me to be kind to her and buy her a Christmas gift. - Baulking on egg shells

My dear one,

     Sometimes its hard to give gifts to those you don't know much less like. Plus it costs money you may not have.

     A Good Idea: Make a bunch of holiday cookies. Gather up a sizable variety first in Ziplocks for freshness, next in a paper lunch bag either twisting the top and tying ribbon or neatly folding over the top stapling the ends. You can cut up paper making your own "Merry Christmas from Santa Tommy" card attaching to each bag or simply draw something on the bag. Make several bundles keeping them in a basket so when you need to give a gift, Walla there they are. Cookies are easy and fun to make and send a nice message from the heart. This way you show your respect to your dad and his girlfriend and at the same time, you get to eat your favorite cookies!

Dear Mother May I,

     Christmas makes me really nervous as I am torn between my parents. I feel guilty if I visit dad. I feel mom needs me to be with her because she is lonely, yet dad always buys me good stuff. When I do visit dad, mom is jealous of the time together and of all the loot I bring back because she can't afford to buy expensive electronics. What can I do as I love both my parents? - Caught in the Family Triangle

My dear one,

     When parents divorce, the absence of the child may cause the away parent to buy love through gifts. This may be a result of that parent's feelings of abandonment and guilt. An overabundance of gifts can make others feel inadequate especially when they can't do the same.

     A Good Idea: It is wonderful to look forward to an event! See if you can get your parents to decide the schedule ahead of time so everyone can make plans. Things tend to run more smoothly if folks work together in the best interest of all. You might have to be the middleman until they get the hang of it. So be persistent. It would be great if your mom would make a list of things to do and people she could enjoy visiting. This way she would have something planned. Maybe you could help her make the list. Does she have a close friend who could help? I suggest keeping some gifts at dad's so when you visit, you and your dad have special things to share. Take a few to your mom's this way it's not so overwhelming to her.

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Giving

Dear Mother May I,

     I am concerned about the victims of Katrina. What are some things I might do to help? - Helping Hands

My dear one,

     How wonderful that you wish to help others. Since I don't know your age, here's some ideas: contact your local Salvation Army or Red Cross for ideas, raise money doing carwashes, bake sales, get your youth organization at school or church to gather toiletries and other items such as small huggable toys, packaging them in shoe boxes, sending them to families remember to include a note from one child to another as a pen pal.

     A Good Idea: Random acts of kindness teach children the art of giving. Whereas it is more blessed to give than receive, receiving also teaches humility and social graces of thankfulness. Giving can be as small as a smile or as large as beginning a fund raising campaign for the needy.

Dear Mother May I,

     I'm not looking forward to the holidays as last year my brother died. How could God let my brother die right in the middle of Christmas season? - Angel Tears

My dear one,

     Losing someone very special during the holidays can really put the damper on celebrating when in your heart you are hurting! We don't know the answers to "why" someone dies suddenly. I believe God loves all His children. Your brother would want you to continue the holiday traditions and you can do so honoring his life and memory. It won't be easy, yet with time, I promise, it will get better.

     A Good Idea: Ask each family member for suggestions to celebrate your brother's life. Maybe it's a picnic, a trip, a cluster of balloons released at the burial sight with love notes attached. Maybe it's a video show or family picture book review with pizza. Invite each member to share their blessing your brother brought and what he left within their heart. Tape, video and/or keep a journal of the stories. To honor your brother, consider a civic service: visit the children's hospital singing Christmas carols, serve in the Soup Kitchen, collect toys for the less fortunate, donate in his honor, plant a tree which you decorate each year including ornaments with his picture and favorite things.æ Shedding tears and letting others especially adults know you are hurting is a good thing and should you need another ear outside the family, ask to see your counselor at school.

Remember: Love kids More than Chocolate!

What memories are you creating to last a lifetime?